Alter-ego

There is a part of me that feels numb, that feels chilly, that feels cold

The blood tries to rush to my brain, but it stops like it has been told

To not let me breathe, to not let me think, to come in my way of emancipation

To not let me cry, to not to my shout, to not let me forget the transgression.

I feel numb and it feels cold and it feels chilly inside

But I can’t think, I can’t judge, I can’t even let my emotions decide.

It was not always like this, there was laughter and there was sun

It was not always like this, there was a time later in my life when it all begun

I reached out but was shut down, I persisted but was cut off

My fingers touched your back, met your explanations and to the lack thereof

Emptied me, made me weak when finally I put my feelings in a vault

A devil rose from inside me, as the satan smiled down and stood up to applaud

I look at the mirror each time with surprise

The vacant smile, the empty eyes and all things vile

The venom inside me spreads, all parts of me succumb

It is the darkest side of me that there could be, blue are even parts that were numb

But a light shines and mystifies me, surges all dissatisfaction

I was headed towards it all this time, but in the end turned in the opposite direction

A tear drops, wets my cheek, a feeling that I couldn’t have experienced

Remorse fills me, forms a lump in my throat, oh this wasn’t ever planned

I forget about the reason that changed me for I have come far along

I have no reason to fret or regret as this path was never for the throng

I have risen above all, if not respected, feared and bowed down to

A final laugh, a final smile, a final tear and the same end that all men come eventually to..